Who's Your Daddy?

Today I warned a friend that the end product of homeschooling his daughter might be to end up like me. A questioner of authority...I put it in a way that was denigrating to myself and a watchword to my friend. I came away from the conversation very unsatisfied and frustrated. What was wrong with me? Why was I painting myself in such a negative light?

Those who homeschool and those who don't do recognize that homeschooled kids run a bit against the pack. They aren't taught with as many restrictions and schedules as kids in public school, and they don't have the peer pressure that shapes other kids. I always thought that my inability to fit in or my weighing of those in roles of leadership was a result of my education, but today I realized it wasn't.

My mom was the most academically focused homeschool mom I knew. All the other moms had more flexible schedules and academia, but not my mom. She was teaching me the Greek alphabet when I was seven. I learned rules and behavior and respect for authority from her. In fact, the only authority I have ever bucked with negative consequences was my mother. ;)

My dad was the questioner. He hated authority, and he distrusted church leadership. He saw the areas of sin, unbelief and immaturity in their lives and then dismissed them as being unable to speak into his own life. With any thought process or argument in logic he was never satisfied with the step by step two plus two equals four scenario; he always had to enter in the back door or through a window. His inability to discourse casually without going on strange rabbit trails irritated everyone. He never fit in anywhere. He wasn't even accepted in my own family. My drill sgt. grandfather mocked and disrespected him, and my mom was so frustrated by his circular reasoning that she eventually lost respect for him and his thought process.

So I'm a bit like my dad. But today I realized how much I wasn't. I love to question, and I love the analytical thought process. However, I choose to honor those in authority. I respect church leadership and I value their input in my life. I respect and honor my husband. And, even though it may be a bit silly, I want to fit in.

I realized the bigger issue today was identity. I inherited some of my questioning nature from my dad, and some is just inherent in my personality. But it wasn't valued in my family, and our culture doesn't value it either. Why think differently? Why question? It's easier to be spoon-fed belief systems and societal norms.

So evidently I need to get my sense of self from my heavenly Father. He created me to question; He's the great Questioner after all. Who am I? Why am I here? What is my purpose? Why do I dream? These are all great questions that He wants us to ask, and to keep asking. If we just settle for the easiest answer that has been hand selected for us, we might miss the better path. The path that leads us to relationship with Him.

So today I realized I am like my Father. I question, I think, I evaluate. I'm just like Him. Other people love me for it, and some I irritate. Kind of like Jesus. So I think I'm in good company. ;)