I am continually accosted. By cost. Everything costs me something. Everything costs money, time, effort, energy. I feel so limited by my little. I don't have enough money, energy, time, motivation. Especially this time of year. I don't feel pressured by Christmas, but I sure want to do more than I seem capable of.
Today I felt like He was reminding me that He is limitless, and He gives not effortlessly, but all. He gave it all and He is an unlimited well of goodness, of relentless peace, of violent joy. He is also the Initiator. Jesus was slain before the foundation of the world, and our history and scripture is an incredible story of Him initiating.
Glory to God in the Highest, peace on earth and good will to men.
My story with Him is about being limited, and meeting the Limitless One.
Monday, December 14, 2015
Wednesday, August 5, 2015
Teaching Self Control
Children need exterior control mechanisms or they would be huge octopi, flopping all over our known existence and sucking out all our happy. LOL. Selah.
Parenting is actually providing exterior controls in such a fashion that over time, children become adults and control themselves. If this doesn't happen, society provides rewards. ;)
Just because of my family experience, I went a slightly different direction. I became too self controlled. My mom was a great teacher. She taught godly principles, wisdom and self control. What she didn't teach was emotional process. Both my parents were caught up in their fear and disfunction, and had no idea how to handle their feelings. My mom taught scripture till she was blue in the face, but her fear kept her immobile and stern. My dad employed self control till he exploded. He was wrapped up in his own shattered dreams and selfishness.
I've been picking through the mess of this for years. Myself and my siblings all learned to be highly sensitive to the feelings of others, but either to deny, bury or abuse with our own. I want something more. I want to be whole and complete, wanting nothing. I want to embrace life and feel it. And I want to teach my children the same.
God saw fit to give me a feeler for a firstborn. She was a blessing. She outshone the sun, made friends for me when I was shy, and danced through life without a care. She didn't need rules; she naturally was sensitive to her surroundings and did the right thing. I rejoiced! Why teach principle when she already knew it naturally?!
I was wrong.
She's like an unpruned field, full of glorious feelings and depths of despair. I've controlled myself but I haven't taught her to do the same. But...all is not lost. I'm proof.
I was full of principle but no love. No fertilizer. Dying and strapped to my trellis. Hit me with a little love and sunshine, and whammo! The reverse is true.
I can teach character to a jungle. It's possible. I need a big stick, a machete, and a bunch of twine. Just kidding. ;)
Overcome with love.
Parenting is actually providing exterior controls in such a fashion that over time, children become adults and control themselves. If this doesn't happen, society provides rewards. ;)
Just because of my family experience, I went a slightly different direction. I became too self controlled. My mom was a great teacher. She taught godly principles, wisdom and self control. What she didn't teach was emotional process. Both my parents were caught up in their fear and disfunction, and had no idea how to handle their feelings. My mom taught scripture till she was blue in the face, but her fear kept her immobile and stern. My dad employed self control till he exploded. He was wrapped up in his own shattered dreams and selfishness.
I've been picking through the mess of this for years. Myself and my siblings all learned to be highly sensitive to the feelings of others, but either to deny, bury or abuse with our own. I want something more. I want to be whole and complete, wanting nothing. I want to embrace life and feel it. And I want to teach my children the same.
God saw fit to give me a feeler for a firstborn. She was a blessing. She outshone the sun, made friends for me when I was shy, and danced through life without a care. She didn't need rules; she naturally was sensitive to her surroundings and did the right thing. I rejoiced! Why teach principle when she already knew it naturally?!
I was wrong.
She's like an unpruned field, full of glorious feelings and depths of despair. I've controlled myself but I haven't taught her to do the same. But...all is not lost. I'm proof.
I was full of principle but no love. No fertilizer. Dying and strapped to my trellis. Hit me with a little love and sunshine, and whammo! The reverse is true.
I can teach character to a jungle. It's possible. I need a big stick, a machete, and a bunch of twine. Just kidding. ;)
Overcome with love.
Thursday, February 26, 2015
The Emperor Over The Sea
I'm normally not preoccupied with sin. I'd rather, as Graham Cooke would put it, be preoccupied with His righteousness. Maybe being in the bible belt now has reminded me of a few things, so I'm following Him in establishing the right foundation. :)
In terms of judgement and mercy, sin and punishment, I think we often think of God as Janus; the Roman god of transitions. Janus is usually depicted with an angry face on one side and a happy face on the other. It's a flip of the coin to see which one you get.
God isn't a god of chance, of war and peace. There are things He emphasizes, things He whispers and things He thunders about. Each expression is of Him, yet some things are more important than others. God isn't messy or confused, but often our perception of Him is.
Most of us seem to think that judgement and sin are things that He screams. I feel that with judgement, it's a thing that He is both rational and sorrowful about. Rational in that there must be a consequence for certain things, and sorrowful that our choices can bring us pain.
What we don't seem to get is that there is something that screams louder than anything. Mercy.
Mercy triumphs over judgement. Mercy is always bigger, louder, greater. Jesus as the atonement for sin. Jesus, punished with the sin of the world. That screams mercy.
There is a section in the book The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe that illustrates this well. Lucy and Susan had witnessed Aslan being killed in the traitor Edmund's place. They fell asleep crying and woke to discover He had come back to life. How was this possible? How could one overturn judgement?
"It means that though the Witch knew the Deep Magic, there is a magic deeper still which she did not know. Her knowledge goes back only to the dawn of time. But if she could have looked a little further back, into the stillness and the darkness before Time dawned, she would have read there a different incantation. She would have known that when a willing victim who had committed no treachery was killed in a traitor's stead, the Table would crack and Death itself would start working backwards."
In terms of judgement and mercy, sin and punishment, I think we often think of God as Janus; the Roman god of transitions. Janus is usually depicted with an angry face on one side and a happy face on the other. It's a flip of the coin to see which one you get.
God isn't a god of chance, of war and peace. There are things He emphasizes, things He whispers and things He thunders about. Each expression is of Him, yet some things are more important than others. God isn't messy or confused, but often our perception of Him is.
Most of us seem to think that judgement and sin are things that He screams. I feel that with judgement, it's a thing that He is both rational and sorrowful about. Rational in that there must be a consequence for certain things, and sorrowful that our choices can bring us pain.
What we don't seem to get is that there is something that screams louder than anything. Mercy.
Mercy triumphs over judgement. Mercy is always bigger, louder, greater. Jesus as the atonement for sin. Jesus, punished with the sin of the world. That screams mercy.
There is a section in the book The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe that illustrates this well. Lucy and Susan had witnessed Aslan being killed in the traitor Edmund's place. They fell asleep crying and woke to discover He had come back to life. How was this possible? How could one overturn judgement?
"It means that though the Witch knew the Deep Magic, there is a magic deeper still which she did not know. Her knowledge goes back only to the dawn of time. But if she could have looked a little further back, into the stillness and the darkness before Time dawned, she would have read there a different incantation. She would have known that when a willing victim who had committed no treachery was killed in a traitor's stead, the Table would crack and Death itself would start working backwards."
What screams and whispers in our hearts when we look at ourselves or others? We can look like God in that we can identify sin and holiness, good and evil, but our response needs to be tempered like His is. With a Cross.
Wednesday, February 25, 2015
Sin Is Not What We Think It Is
This is not a full sermon on sin, because I don't have that kind of time. Just some thoughts I've had recently.
Sin is not what we think it is. We think of sin as the BIG BAD NO NO. Those of us that have had some theological education know that it is an act or idea that is deserving of death and only through Jesus do we have any hope. This is true, in part. Most of us think of sin as the result of breaking a rule. It is, and it isn't. The problem with thinking that it's the consequence of a broken rule, or that it's just a bad thing, get trapped when they look at the 'sin' and see that it looks 'good'. "They saw the fruit of the tree and that it was good to eat."
The fruit of the tree wasn't sinful. But the thought process that led them to eat it, was. Their conclusion was one that was self sustained.
God created us for relationship with Him. He gave the commandments to Israel because they preferred behavior modification over intimacy. He wanted them to be set apart. But behavior modification is short lived; you never give over that last bit of yourself, and it keeps respawning.
I've heard christians tell me that they struggle with this or that sin. I always wonder why. Why would anyone choose to struggle over sin...unless in their heart of hearts they were really convinced that the sin would be better. More fulfilling. You can drag a horse to water but you can't make him drink. That horse has to WANT the water. You can logically know something is bad for you, but until you BELIEVE it is bad for you, your desire for it will not be quenched.
Let's take something like lust. If I lust after someone, behavior modification would say, don't look, don't think about it, don't expose yourself. Relationship with God invites something else. He asks, "Why? Who are you, Jessica? What do you need? Do you know what you need? Have you shown your husband your heart? Let's process this together. Don't be afraid. I know who and Whose you are."
That's intimacy. And not only is it more fulfilling than behavior modification, it is life changing.
We think of holiness as restriction. It's not. It's our best life. Living it fully, completely, hand in hand with Him. It's not behavior modification or rules, because there is no way we can achieve holiness by those things. Holiness is really, Wholeness. It's our whole self, fully realized in Him.
Sin is not what we think it is. We think of sin as the BIG BAD NO NO. Those of us that have had some theological education know that it is an act or idea that is deserving of death and only through Jesus do we have any hope. This is true, in part. Most of us think of sin as the result of breaking a rule. It is, and it isn't. The problem with thinking that it's the consequence of a broken rule, or that it's just a bad thing, get trapped when they look at the 'sin' and see that it looks 'good'. "They saw the fruit of the tree and that it was good to eat."
The fruit of the tree wasn't sinful. But the thought process that led them to eat it, was. Their conclusion was one that was self sustained.
God created us for relationship with Him. He gave the commandments to Israel because they preferred behavior modification over intimacy. He wanted them to be set apart. But behavior modification is short lived; you never give over that last bit of yourself, and it keeps respawning.
I've heard christians tell me that they struggle with this or that sin. I always wonder why. Why would anyone choose to struggle over sin...unless in their heart of hearts they were really convinced that the sin would be better. More fulfilling. You can drag a horse to water but you can't make him drink. That horse has to WANT the water. You can logically know something is bad for you, but until you BELIEVE it is bad for you, your desire for it will not be quenched.
Let's take something like lust. If I lust after someone, behavior modification would say, don't look, don't think about it, don't expose yourself. Relationship with God invites something else. He asks, "Why? Who are you, Jessica? What do you need? Do you know what you need? Have you shown your husband your heart? Let's process this together. Don't be afraid. I know who and Whose you are."
That's intimacy. And not only is it more fulfilling than behavior modification, it is life changing.
We think of holiness as restriction. It's not. It's our best life. Living it fully, completely, hand in hand with Him. It's not behavior modification or rules, because there is no way we can achieve holiness by those things. Holiness is really, Wholeness. It's our whole self, fully realized in Him.
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