I was told recently by a good friend with a well-meaning heart that I am not a good housewife. The intent was to encourage me; that my bigger dreams were worth more than housework. Of course, that's not how I took it. ;)
I know few housewives that really feel called to housewifery. We all know it's good. Even CS Lewis says that all careers exist to support that one. But called? That somehow evokes the idea that one will feel fulfilled by doing it.
Maybe I'm just not a good housewife. I do not get fulfilled by cleaning, by picking up countless socks and toys over and over again. I am not made happy by refereeing fights, or trying to train my own children better than I was trained. There is too much fear behind the latter to make it exciting.
I know some moms who are newly inspired by 'wholesome' and 'nutritious' and 'green'. I am not. I was raised so nutritiously that the only desserts we had was on Christmas and birthdays, and the first boxed cake I made was in my teens. The first cake I made included dates and honey and whole wheat flour. I was nine. Thinking of those terms feels more like prison than joyful health. I know I'm not right, but those are my feelings.
We all love doing things that give back. I love serving and pampering my husband because he pours it back on me. But my kids and my house don't. That's a sacrifice. And boy, does it pain me.
So I've stopped trying to find fulfillment in it. I find what gives me life. Right now, spending time with Jesus, working on my music and exercise fill me up. And then I give out of that.
If you want to come visit, let me know in advance. The house won't be spotless and I will set aside time to prepare for you. I'm sowing to my heart, and I'm planning on reaping something besides exhaustion and stress. :)
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