Dancing Horses

Last night I dreamed about Lipizzaner horses. Yes, weird. I know a lot about horses...they were my favorite thing when I was a kid. So even though I knew all about Lipizzaners, I looked them up anyway. And watched a youtube video. History says that the high dressage techniques called Airs above the Ground were designed for war...in order to scare the enemy. A more practical account suggest that the moves were designed to be special training for both mount and rider in preparation for war. Either way, watching these incredible horses dance and leap in exceptional trained maneuvers made me realize that even though a horses' natural self is made for eating grass, lying about and running intermittently, somehow mankind succeeded in pulling out improbable and unbelievable talents.


Know thyself. One of the most difficult, trying, joyous, confusing dictates on the earth. It's even harder when you grow up thinking of yourself as one thing and finding out thirty years later that you're something entirely different, and that all the struggle was due to putting a square peg in a round hole. Darnation!!

My biggest struggle in the past few years is learning how to manage my home, my time, my family, my energy and my heart. I am in a constant state of failure; always running from the avalanche. Having been told growing up that I was driven, I couldn't understand my lack of drive or motivation. A very dear friend told me that her tool was discovering ferocity. I thought, that's it! I need to be fierce! I WILL have victory! But that wasn't it. At least, not my 'it'.

So I discovered yesterday that I'm not driven. Adam had been hinting at it for a while. I thought he couldn't be right; when I was single I was very driven...I worked hard hours while going to school. But I forgot that I totally broke myself physically.

This morning I woke up quoting, "You have searched me, and you know me." He knows my personality because He made it. I am a relational thinker. Doing is not me. Doing is exhausting. "So how in the world am I supposed to do this?" I silently scream at Him. "I have big dreams! I still need to learn how to manage my home, my time, my skills!"

My sister told me that my ferocity should be focused on my relationship with Jesus. He knows my desires, and He can help me train myself and my family all while feeding and sustaining me. Flylady talks about cleaning house for 45 minutes and then resting 15. I think I need more than one quiet time with the Spirit per day. Maybe 15 minute fill up sessions per hour will do it. ;)

It is a relief to know that I don't have the natural ability to do. That means I'm starting from scratch, and there are no expectations; just learning what He thinks of me. It's a lot like teaching a horse to dance. ;)