I talk to God all the time. Not formally, more like just having a conversation with my friend or my dad. Sometimes it isn't pretty. I don't always know how to frame the feelings I'm having. Last night I was feeling overrun with shame and fear, for no reason. As I prayed about it, I saw how I had partnered with shame all my life. Well, sometimes you just have to renounce that junk. I wrote this last night, kind of a poem, kind of a song. But it was my prayer.
Shame is not my father. Rejection is not my sister. Fear is not my brother. I have revoked my bond with them. They have no hold.
The Lord of Hosts is my father. He adopted me. His heart is towards me. His heart is full of loving kindness. I am pierced, like Him; because of love. I am His. The transaction is eternal. It can't be broken. Death is a glory, but resurrection is Love realized.
Whom have I but You? You lead me, heal me, fill me. Call me higher, further, deeper. Show me your face and let us be one.
Sometimes I am strong and ready to run. Sometimes I am broken and falling. And you are there. Do what you need to do to bring me into your purposes. Be gentle for I am weak and hungry for love.
I am not always holy or whole. But I am because you are. I don't pray the right words and my heart feels raw and rebellious and fearing. But I will fear not. Because You.
