Children need exterior control mechanisms or they would be huge octopi, flopping all over our known existence and sucking out all our happy. LOL. Selah.
Parenting is actually providing exterior controls in such a fashion that over time, children become adults and control themselves. If this doesn't happen, society provides rewards. ;)
Just because of my family experience, I went a slightly different direction. I became too self controlled. My mom was a great teacher. She taught godly principles, wisdom and self control. What she didn't teach was emotional process. Both my parents were caught up in their fear and disfunction, and had no idea how to handle their feelings. My mom taught scripture till she was blue in the face, but her fear kept her immobile and stern. My dad employed self control till he exploded. He was wrapped up in his own shattered dreams and selfishness.
I've been picking through the mess of this for years. Myself and my siblings all learned to be highly sensitive to the feelings of others, but either to deny, bury or abuse with our own. I want something more. I want to be whole and complete, wanting nothing. I want to embrace life and feel it. And I want to teach my children the same.
God saw fit to give me a feeler for a firstborn. She was a blessing. She outshone the sun, made friends for me when I was shy, and danced through life without a care. She didn't need rules; she naturally was sensitive to her surroundings and did the right thing. I rejoiced! Why teach principle when she already knew it naturally?!
I was wrong.
She's like an unpruned field, full of glorious feelings and depths of despair. I've controlled myself but I haven't taught her to do the same. But...all is not lost. I'm proof.
I was full of principle but no love. No fertilizer. Dying and strapped to my trellis. Hit me with a little love and sunshine, and whammo! The reverse is true.
I can teach character to a jungle. It's possible. I need a big stick, a machete, and a bunch of twine. Just kidding. ;)
Overcome with love.
