Little Flames

Four years ago I was one month away from giving birth to my son. My first two were daughters, and even though I had brothers, I didn't know what to expect when it came to boys. It's been a joy every day since I saw his chubby face. 

Eben is very physical. He hits and kicks everything, including his sisters. Sometimes he just walks and kicks and punches, while saying, "Kick! Punch!" He's a living comic hero; I keep expecting Kazam! and Kapow! to appear in bubbles over his head. My husband and I are constantly teaching him boundaries about physical contact. 

What I didn't expect was that I'd be his queen. I'm perfect. The most beautiful. I make the best food. I sing the best songs. A couple weeks ago when I dressed up to go out, he swatted my bottom and said I was 'dewishous'. I can't imagine where he learned that... ;)

I was a little conflicted by this hero worship. I'd seen the same dynamic with my brother and my mom, and I didn't like it. I'd also seen countless mothers resist the mother/son separation that eventually ends in marriage, and I didn't like that either. 

So this is what I'm learning. I love being worshipped. God and I have something in common. :) But being god in my son's life has huge ramifications; how he views and treats women hinges largely on me. 

This is what I will teach:

Be gentle. Listen. Be strong. Be sensitive. Treat women like ladies, but have boundaries. 

I'm sure that list will grow, but it's a start. 

Someday my boy will worship another, and I will celebrate it while shedding a few tears. I choose not to worry about this eventuality, because the reality is that I have someone else that worships me and doesn't leave. :)

Today I said this to a friend, "Keep the homefires burning because the little flames leave." The love I share with my husband isn't as blind as the love my son has for me, but it's better. Intimacy can be scary. My husband will tell me what he thinks. Sometimes he corrects me. Often he challenges me. And the very best thing, he always chooses me. It's dewishous. :D

The Biggest Battle

Today was a day of multiple lessons. I'm learning to organize, plan and schedule. I'm not deterred by the fact that I haven't done that much in the past years, I was building a house instead. So now I'm building my family. Better late than never. ;)

First move; tweak my parenting. I'm reading Parenting the Powerful Child by Dr. Kevin Leman. I recommend it, as all my children are powerful. As I'm a staunch advocate of Danny Silk, I want my children to be powerful. I just don't want them to become insensitive pricks. :D (sorry, that was a Men In Black moment)

We have two puppies that love to chew. Recently they found stuffing from who knows where and spread it all over the yard. I'd given the kids multiple opportunities to clean it up but they didn't and the job got bigger. Providence slept in till ten today so I thought it was a job she'd have plenty of energy for. But it was not so. It was to big, too hard, she just couldn't do it! I told her I was willing to do it, but I was busy and it would cost her fifty dollars. (she just got fifty dollars for her birthday) She chose to pay me fifty dollars.

I was flummoxed. That didn't go the way I wanted it to, so I prayed. Then I went and raked the yard. Took me twelve minutes; most lucrative twelve minutes I've ever worked. Lightbulb! The barn was trashed with paper, broken glass, and misc things that the puppies had pulled out.

I called Providence. "You have the opportunity to earn back your money. I really wanted to take you clothes shopping. You have thirty minutes to decide if you want the job." Five minutes later she was walking to the barn with a trashbag. Sweet! I thought...

The battle wasn't over. Ten minutes later she came back inside. She'd given up; it was too hard, too big, she just COULDN'T. I looked at her, prayed, and then unloaded.

"Your biggest battle is yourself. The job is small. you are letting your fear of spiders, of amount of work, be bigger than you. It's not hard. It's easy. Tenacity and determination are muscles. You have to CHALLENGE them. If you never do this, you won't become interesting enough for an amazing guy. You won't finish college. You won't do anything."

I was worried I was too harsh. A few minutes later, she silently left to try again. Fifteen minutes later it was done. I asked her if she was proud of herself. "NO." She replied. But I saw a grin sneak into the corners of her mouth as she walked away. ;)