I've heard for years that children don't come with a manual. I thought that commentary was parents just being dramatic, but now I realize how true that is. I have no idea what I'm doing pretty much all the time. Children are constantly changing, and once I think I've hit the nail on the head, one of them switches to a new phase.
Providence hit some kind of strange emotional wall when she turned eight, and now I'm trying to do a combination praise/praise/teach/correct/praise mambo, in the midst of attempting to help her understand how she feels. How she feels? Good grief; I have a hard enough time understanding how I feel!
Micaiah is in full-on training mode, as my sister aptly phrased it. Every correction starts a barrage of stonewalling and tears. She also has great projection, so our little house rings with the sound of caterwauling...or er, weeping. ;)
At this point Eben is easy; he responds well to a corrective look, and he showers everyone with grins and giggles. But he is into everything, he has the physical prowess of a five year old, and I actually have to keep him from jumping off of cliffs.
I have to keep reminding myself that their lives should not be a continual string of correction. If I am supposed to be their first picture of God, what does that need to look like? Obviously boundaries are important, but I want to pursue relationship and heart over behavior and performance. If I want good behavior, I could beat them all day and never reach their heart. I want them to discover what God is like through their mind and emotions...until it reaches their spirits.
What if all the bad in the world is just an absence of goodness? God's glory is His goodness. God doesn't start chasing all our bad behavior and begin weeding it out...He begins by loving us and showing us Himself. Darkness does not leave by being chased; it is obliterated by light.
I am so grateful that God does not have a growth chart that He measures me by. Can you imagine Him marking down each misstep, each attitude and every trespass? But He doesn't. When He looks at us He sees Jesus. What He is marking down is each and every moment we choose encounter and relationship, growth and intimacy. He has a date book with all our romances inside. Every tear in a bottle. Every dream recorded, past and future. Moment by moment.
What if I chose to parent like that? Moment by moment? Tears and laughter... Pain and beauty. Goodness and glory.
