When I was a child, I had an entire world of fantasy and stories in my head just waiting to be spun into being. Much of my life was spent immersed in my stories, mostly because they were a respite from my day to day life. At about twelve or thirteen or thereabouts I had one very special story that I replayed in different forms over and over. It went something like this...
Usually set in a renaissance time period, I was a homeless orphan selling flowers or whatnot to passersby. One day a lord on horseback knocked me over and after helping me to my feet, he noticed an odd birthmark on my shoulder. Of course, he recognized this as a royal birthmark and concludes that I am the long lost princess. I am returned to the royal family with much rejoicing. I know...original, right?
After being offered my choice of rooms in the castle, I chose the tower room. For the rest of the story I imagined cleaning and decorating the tower into a comforting and beautiful room. I rarely came out of the tower, and I didn't get to know my new family.
This little fantasy popped into my head a couple days ago and I realized how telling it was. Both spiritually and physically I have been pulled out of my old life of poverty and oppression. I have a pretty little house that has been a joy to raise my three children...such a huge leap from the house I grew up in. My husband loves me incredibly and loves our children just as much. Totally new experience for me. The biggest gift, however, is growing in the revelation of how much I am loved by God. He is already so pleased with me. Nothing I can do can separate me from Him. He loves it when I seek Him, and He probably enjoys my presence more than I enjoy His.
Yet in spite of all this, I somehow keep to my tower. I have abundance, but I still fear lack. I have love, and in spite of how I value intimacy, the process always makes me feel exposed. Because I'm afraid. Maybe God and others will see past my princess dress and observe my rags and filth. When I'm told that God's dreams for me are bigger than mine, I don't believe it. I am easily shaken and easily lose my understanding of my position. So this is my new meditation and mantra.
I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I have possession of the kingdom, not just the tower room. Because Jesus took the authority from Satan and gave it to me. God wants and enjoys me, because He thinks I'm brilliant. I don't need to be afraid, because He has given me power and a transformed and sound mind. If I have any idea of His love for me, just wait. Because He's getting ready to pour more all over me. I'm His daughther, His beloved, His princess.
Time to come down my stairs. ;)
