Love God, Love Yourself, Love Others Pt 2

Why do you do the things you do? Why did you get up this morning? Did you get dressed? Go to work? Make breakfast and do the dishes? Talk to your kids?

Why did you do all those things? Because you should? If you didn't work there wouldn't be any money? Any other reasons?

Bob Hamp describes sin as the absence of God in the human heart. I find this very convicting. Sin is not behavior; it's the fruit of the heart. Every area that I haven't submitted to God is an area for self and the enemy to operate.

As believers, we should operate out of abiding in Jesus. Our behavior should flow out of relationship with Him. How we think and feel and act toward ourselves should flow out of relationship with Him. How we think and feel and act towards others should flow out of relationship with Him.

A few years ago I realized I cleaned my house because I thought I should. It is accepted behavior in our society for a wife and mother to keep a clean house. I didn't want anyone to think ill of me, or my husband to criticize me. When I realized why I was doing it, my willpower to do it vanished. I still find it hard, even convicting to clean my house because I should. I only find energy or heart to do it because I find joy in a peaceful and clean environment. That was a work only Jesus could do in me.

Start asking yourself why you do things. If you dare. ;) I hope they entirely dismantle you like they did to me.

Life on this earth is more about Being than Doing. Abiding in Jesus comes first.

May your day be blessedly wrecked. :)

Love,

Jess

Know God, Know Thyself, Know Others

I am growing more and more convinced that relationship is the single most important thing in life. Everything else is designed to be used as tools to facilitate relationship.

My family culture put a high value on education. My mom stayed home to homeschool all seven of us. You'd think that relationship would have been easy in a big family, but it was a big unhealthy family. Relationship was only based on being together and intellectual discourse. No one shared their heart because it was unsafe. No one really knew anyone because it takes safety and trust to get close and we had none.

I want to use the term know as it was used in Genesis. The Hebrew term is yada, as in, Adam knew Eve. No, it does not mean sex. It means to know soul and spirit intimately. Because Adam and Eve were husband and wife, it also included body. Sex is merely a fruit of intimacy, but it is not the only fruit.

If I could paraphrase the two greatest Commandments as Jesus referred to them, it would be as follows: God says, Know me, Know yourself, Know others. Everything else does matter, but it should matter out of the abundance of these three.

Better Than Truth

Ever wonder why Jesus didn't respond to Pilate at his query, "What is truth?" I have. The best I can come up with is that Jesus is truth. But even that conclusion is shabby. Truth simply means what is true, that is, what is most accurate. As believers we tend to think of the things of God as truth, but actually God and His ways are higher than 'most accurate'. 'Most accurate' infers that we have made a judgement according to the set of facts before us. When we believe what the Bible says about God, hopefully there is more behind our belief than just the assumption that the set of facts before us is the most accurate. If we only base our faith on our understanding, then we will lose our faith as soon as we hear a better set of facts or a better argument.

Bill Johnson once said that knowledge of God must lead to an encounter with Jesus, or it just becomes religion. Religion is a lifeless set of rules.

I think the reason that Jesus didn't answer Pilate is that He was the answer. Not in the sense that He is truth, but that relationship with Him is to be preferred over truth. Jesus must come first.

We were created for relationship, not for knowledge. Knowledge without relationship will bring death. Because in that sense, knowledge is not true. Knowledge without encounter and relationship is just the best our minds can come up with. We can look at an apple and attempt to understand and describe it, but we are limited by our set of facts about the apple.

Jesus' gift to us was restoration of relationship, not Rules 2.0. Behavior and knowledge should be a fruit of spending time with Him.

The best picture of 'true' I can come up with for myself is a compass. When you point the compass to the north, the needle aligns with the big N at the top. Any deviation from true north makes the needle bounce. I could study about the north and map out a way to get there, but without a compass I would make lots of unnecessary deviations and would probably get lost. When I focus on my relationship with Jesus, His heart is my true north, and it's like my husband's and my eyes meeting across a crowded room. In that moment is eternity, and it's better than truth.

No Worries

I was explaining to my husband last week that although I didn't think I was stressed, my body kept saying I was. My stomach had been upset for three days straight. Adam said, "Jess, you ARE stressed. You have a lot to be stressed about." Then he listed everything. Yeah, that wasn't helpful. 

I thought that since I wasn't mentally fretting about what is going on with my life currently, I must be at peace. Evidently not. My heart and my body were my filthy, evil betrayers. :)

I think God wants me to pray more. Last week the Holy Spirit seemed to illuminate Philippians 4:6-7 and then broke it down into four parts. I needed baby steps. ;)

 ⁶Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which surpasses all ^[a]comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Step 1. Don't be anxious. Do not worry. AT ALL.

Step 2. Pray. Supplicate. Supplication just means to bring it before Jesus and entreat Him to act on your behalf. 

Step 3. With Thanksgiving. You don't have to be thankful for everything, but in everything. Maintain an attitude of thankfulness. Look for the little things. 

Step 4. Rest in the promise of peace. He promises that peace beyond our ability to perceive or understand would be given to us. To guard our heart and our mind.
(Don't argue yourself out of it. If you get a feeling of peace, just be ok with it. Don't look for more to worry about.)

Sooo...that's what I've been working on. Obviously I'm not terrific at it yet, because my tummy is upset again today. I'm going to post this and work on a little supplication. A bath and this verse might be helpful too. ;)

1 Timothy 5:23 No longer drink water exclusively, but use a little wine for the sake of your stomach and your frequent ailments. 

More for me, More for you

I think it is a poverty mentality that tells me that the pie is a limited one. If you take a slice, there is less for me. Or if you have a whole pie, that means I don't get one at all.

Perhaps wanting the best for others comes naturally for some, and I thought I did it naturally too. Till recently when I saw that I was just thinking the right thoughts but my heart wasn't in it. That's how I could say the right things, but the same yucky feelings would pop up and I'd squash them. Feelings are sometimes like termites; the correct structure can be in place but the beams are hollow.

Wanting the best for others, their dreams to come true, their children to be brilliant, for multi generational wealth doesn't seem like it should cost me anything. But it does. It feels like dying.

I thought...God wants the best for all of us, but it doesn't cost Him anything. Oh. Wait. It did.

I can't want the best for others without it costing me something, because my pie is limited. I have to die, give Him my pie, and He gives me His. Unlimited pie. Delicious pie. Pie A La Mode. :)

It still feels like I'm dying, but that's ok. I heard a wise guy say that jealousy just means that we don't trust God to love on us and bless us. While I'm hoping and praying for abundance for others, I'm going to press in to His heart and learn to trust. My trusting is a bit spotty, so learning should be fun. Kind of like breathing water. :)

Silence and the Voice

I would say I've never been able to hear God's voice very well. At one time, not at all. That is, I hear more now than ever...and while the amount is still unsatisfactory, it is sooo good compared to the old days.

I asked Jesus into my heart when I was six, and since I was from a 'Christian' home, fell into 'Christian' behavior very easily. 'Conviction' (condemnation) was a constant friend. I looonged for Jesus to talk to me audibly, and I'd squinch my eyes shut and focus for the still small voice. But I never heard it.

By the time I was a teen, my desire for His presence and His voice was a constant burn. But I still couldn't hear Him. I had a habit of filling my head with fantasies from the thirty some odd books I read weekly in order to quiet my soul, and at some point around the age of seventeen, I chose to stop.

The silence in my head was palpable and intense. Except for the jibbering voice of me. The feelings of exposure and fear and vulnerability were overwhelming.

Every morning I'd walk down the trail to our goat barn to milk six goats. Spring was the best time for that; I loved birth and I loved babies. I loved watching the maternal instinct in action. As I'd swing me leg over our electric fence, I'd pray. God, talk to me. God, what do you want to say? Please God, it's me, Jessica.

This is what I'd hear; "Jessica, you're beautiful. Jessica, I love you so much. Jessica, you're gorgeous and brilliant."

This is what I'd say back; "Jessica, shut up. Jessica, shut up...you aren't God."

I knew I needed to hear those things. I wanted it soooo bad. I believed I was filling that quiet space with what I wanted God to say, and I didn't believe it because it was so good. Too good.

And I shut that Voice down. The only voice I'd allow to speak would be the corrective ones.

But I missed it. I missed looking at the part of my soul that quivered when I allowed that voice to speak. Like a child rolling her eyes when her Daddy calls her pretty, I avoided it. My fear of allowing pride to grow, just encouraged pride and fear to grow.

What happens when you don't believe what God says about you? You have to find another label. Where are you getting it? I got mine from others. Whatever other people said, be it good or evil, I took it. But it wasn't Truth.

The Truth was what I refused to hear, and it left me empty, nameless and hungry. I think that's enough of that, so I'm listening now.

Tornado in a Trailer Park

Often life is messy. My house is often messy. My heart is sometimes a bit messy too. Especially when I'm right in the middle of the process. The sort of process that the Holy Spirit occasionally springs on us. He is like a tornado in a trailer park, or an unsupervised toddler. ;)

I have a friend who used to pop over. You know, a real friend? ;) Somehow she'd pop over on the worst day and see my house and I at our worst. She didn't care. She loved me and saw me through the mess. It wasn't until years later that I found out she felt that way. I was too busy feeling insecure to see it.

We all have bad days and messy houses at times. What do you do when you're in the thick of it? I usually just want to find a nice hole and bury myself, but lately I haven't had the luxury. What normally happens in the hole isn't nice; the crying is the snotty sort and there is anger and pity parties. Since I haven't had the luxury of hiding, my grumps have been nastier and it's all there, all full of boogers and green stuff. Yuck. :)

But I've found out I'm still loved in spite of the yuck and the 'Dammits!'. Jesus has been messing me up and it is sooo good and sooo ugly. I really am glad that the Holy Spirit is like a tornado in a trailer park. The Father wants me to live in a better place than a trailer park anyway. :D