Strong Willed

When I was a child, James Dobson was the Christian parenting whisperer. My mom read his book, "The Strong Willed Child", and it armed her for the fight. With me.

I'm not exactly sure what I was like as a child. I was quiet and reserved. I heard I was strong willed. I was a thinker. I argued if it didn't make sense, not for the fun of it. Although that's what it seemed like. As a mom I understand that it isn't always easy to explain things to a child, and sometimes it's not the right time. So I give my mom grace.

As I look back over my life, I appreciate my strong will more than anything else. It has been the thing that formed my powerful choices, and my follow through.

When I was six, I gave my life to Jesus. I didn't see any evidence there was a God, but I was morbidly afraid of hell fire. (pronounced hell fahr) ;) The choice seemed obvious to me, so I chose. Then I spent the next ten years forcing my brain to conform to my choice. Because my ability to choose was stronger.

I remember the day I chose Adam. It came a couple weeks after I thought I had chosen him. The first time was because he had kissed me. I had a kiss vow with God. The real day I chose him was the day he showed his heart to me. I didn't look back.

Our culture tries to convince us that we are at the whim of our circumstances and our instincts. Somehow this teaches us that we are powerless in the tide of our feelings or mentalities. But this is not true. For example, lets say I really want to drink an entire pitcher of beer. My brain tells me that that amount of alcohol will cause pain tomorrow. My feelings tell me that it will make me feel better. So then I choose. Going with logic or feelings is not the problem. Rather, it's not realizing that my power was in my choice. I can't blame either, because I chose. Every time I refuse to take responsibility for my choice, I hand over my power to something that was smaller than I.

Making a powerful choice is like designing a career path. This is the way, walk ye in it. It was my sheer stubborn will that has kept me on the path of my choices. I felt like I was betraying myself if I broke a commitment. Today my best choices are no longer held by force of will. Adam is everything I thought I saw back then and more. I am in love with him more and more each day.

I don't really know how to define how my relationship with Jesus has become bigger than reality. I had a friend challenge me to start blogging about how my knowledge and encounter are meeting, and I'm still working on that one. I only understand that I am in love with this Person that makes me more whole and joyous with every passing day. My head understands more and more, but His Presence reminds me I'm a baby. My heart is growing like the Grinch's on Christmas day. God still does not show up for me like I want Him to, but I think He has a better idea of what I need and I trust Him.

In today's sermon, the pastor ended with the question, "Is Jesus Enough"? I have a lot of dreams for myself and my family. Really big dreams. It scares the shit out of me to consider that they might not come true. But when I look at Jesus I know that my walk with Him has no limit, and that my life is just seventy or eighty years at the beginning of eternity. I may dream big, but it's because I'm like Him, and His adventure with me is just beginning.