The Little Cross

Nothing reminds me more of my shortcomings than motherhood. Three children with three disparate personalities and three sets of needs, all of which I can't begin to fill. Surprisingly, or perhaps not surprisingly depending on who you are, I find it easy to excuse myself.

I'm tired. I didn't have my needs met when I was a kid. I lived in poverty. The list is never ending. Whatever they need in order to become fantastic, whole adults...I don't have it. But, they really need it.

Many of us have heard our parents make excuses too, and this is usually what keeps me from going down that path. Their excuses served us not at all.

I think, for the most part, that people have an intense dislike for responsibility. No, make that a stark fear. We are breathtakingly afraid of seeing where we fall short, afraid that to carry it would break us. Few want to turn their easy judgement of others selfward. In the end, we run away. To find a fig leaf. Like an excuse will make it all ok.

But it doesn't, and it can't. And that's the whole point. My personal history is real and valid, and is much of the reason my cup is too empty to pour out. But my spiritual poverty just makes me more vividly aware of my need for Him.

For most believers, the theology of the Cross is simply thus; Jesus died and took the punishment for all our sin.

This is true; but to leave it at that is to make the enormity of the Cross into something small. If the propitiation of the world's sin could be seen as small.

Jesus died for way more than covering our asses so we can get into Heaven. He was fully God, fully man, lived and died and rose again to place us back where we were at the beginning; man and woman as Sons and Daughters of God. Poised to take over the entire Earth, to regain our lost ground and to become a Bride without spot or wrinkle.

If I simply use Jesus' sacrifice to keep my nose clean, that's like only requiring my kids to just keep their room clean for the rest of their lives. The work of the Cross, of suffering for Him, of resisting the onslaught of the Enemy...these things project us into maturity. We are supposed to be taking ground, not just holding onto our little plot of soil.

Our responsibility isn't to carry our failure; our responsibility lies in being willing to see it and then saying 'yes'.

I can't do it Jesus. I'm weak. But I want You more than anything, and I want Your dreams to be fulfilled for me more than I want my own comfort.

This is what I know: He loves me, He loves me, He loves me, He loves me, He loves me. Because that is Who He is.