The Waiting

There are times I don't even have to seek the quiet place; instead I am thrust in forcefully. Right now the rain is pattering out a sleepy song on the road, and the cars slur the sound as they drive through. Eben is protesting naptime in his bed, but his complaints are getting intermittent. The girls are downstairs watching Angelina Ballerina and I'm at the computer listening to Amanda Falk sing 'I will Exalt' for the second time.

I have moments of despair when I think about how many times I have asked for more of God and I still feel left with only a handful. Or less. He is growing me slowly, surely, and quietly. My foundations are being relaid stone by stone, and my heart is being enlarged beat by beat. It seems so normal though. So sweet and peaceful. Submission is an art, and once the initial sacrifice is made, all that needs to be done is just the waiting. For the breaking, the reforming, the brushstroke.

I reminded Jesus today of how many years I have been asking for personal encounter with Him. Face to face, visions, whatever. Just anything beyond intellectual experience. If it comes down to obedience, then I'll do that. I'll trust and keep on. Keep going. But I'm aware that the better thing lies down the garden path, through the gates, and at His feet. In His arms. In the dance.

I can't get this song out of my head, and while I sit at the computer moping, these are the words I hear:

Your Presence is all I need 
It’s all I want, all I seek 
Without it, without it there’s no meaning 
Your Presence is the air I breathe 
The song I sing, the love I need 
Without it, without it I’m not living 


I will exalt You, Lord, I will exalt You, Lord 
There is no one like You God 
I will exalt You, Lord, I will exalt You, Lord 
No other name be lifted high 


There will be no one like You 
And no one beside You 
You alone are worthy of all praise 
There will be no one like You 
And no one beside You 
You alone are worthy of all praise